Growing Up
I never thought it'd feel like this.
Most kids my age are excited to get out of their parents house and live on their own... I guess I never really thought about it. Maybe my lack of thinking about the future is what has left me feeling so despondent. I didn't adequately prepare myself for this huge step.
I've never been alone with myself for so long. It feels like it's just me against the world. Coming home to an empty house, knowing I will wake up alone is... gloomy. Maybe one day I will see it in a happier light. I might learn to see myself as Superman returning to his Fortress of Solitude. But at the moment I dunno if I like this whole I-live-on-my-own-and-I-don't-need-anyone gig. I know people that missed their families after they first left home, but then after awhile just grew indifferent. Confiding to them my longing to return to the comfort of home only got me comments of how sooner or later I would just get over it and stop missing my loved ones completely. But why would I want to disengage myself from that? I spent 18 years of my life depending on people, and that vulnerability nurtured true and honest community that I had never before realized. I was really close to my family, and now I have to detach myself from them just so I can learn to be an adult?? I haven't even come to the point in my life where I want to become an adult! So I move from one place to the next, unwillingly giving up my innocence. I am giving up the strong bonds I have formed with people I have know my whole life. I am giving up the comfort of a loving home. I am trading it all for a measly title of maturity chained to solitariness.
Welcome to the real world, I guess.
Most kids my age are excited to get out of their parents house and live on their own... I guess I never really thought about it. Maybe my lack of thinking about the future is what has left me feeling so despondent. I didn't adequately prepare myself for this huge step.
I've never been alone with myself for so long. It feels like it's just me against the world. Coming home to an empty house, knowing I will wake up alone is... gloomy. Maybe one day I will see it in a happier light. I might learn to see myself as Superman returning to his Fortress of Solitude. But at the moment I dunno if I like this whole I-live-on-my-own-and-I-don't-need-anyone gig. I know people that missed their families after they first left home, but then after awhile just grew indifferent. Confiding to them my longing to return to the comfort of home only got me comments of how sooner or later I would just get over it and stop missing my loved ones completely. But why would I want to disengage myself from that? I spent 18 years of my life depending on people, and that vulnerability nurtured true and honest community that I had never before realized. I was really close to my family, and now I have to detach myself from them just so I can learn to be an adult?? I haven't even come to the point in my life where I want to become an adult! So I move from one place to the next, unwillingly giving up my innocence. I am giving up the strong bonds I have formed with people I have know my whole life. I am giving up the comfort of a loving home. I am trading it all for a measly title of maturity chained to solitariness.
Welcome to the real world, I guess.
posted by Ephnastie at 10:12 PM
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